This is not the first encounter I have had with English culture (obviously) or the English mentality, but it’s the first time I’ve had the chance to live “normal” everyday life and whatever comes with that. This experience is what also inspired me to write a blog about what I’ve so far felt is the English outlook on social life.
I want to start by mentioning a couple of things that almost have become cliche’s in how myself as a Swede perceive you, the English. We always talk about - the politeness, the hospitality, and the sarcastic humour. Characteristics like these are probably also the most important “brand values” for the English, and personally it’s also what makes it so easy to get along with everyone while I’m here.
Anyway, from my personal point of view one of the most interesting parts of the English mentality that I’ve seen so far, is the way strangers or new acquaintances are being approached. I think that the English approach in general is very positive and straight forward, which is nice, but what I also like is that it usually shows vulnerability.
And I’m going to explain, since it might seem strange that being vulnerable would be a good thing. To dare give some of yourself, smile and be friendly is in many situations also basically leaving yourself out and open for “attacks” from the surroundings.
And since we all care, in one way or another, about what people think about us, I think that it’s brave to make yourself fragile to the world. It’s also a sign of good will to approach someone with positivity towards a new potential relation.
So in essence, I think it’s a sign of character and strength to engage in a conversation with a stranger “arms down”.
Another perk with this English polite, open and vulnerable approach, is that it’s a great way to get instant feedback, or get a good “read” on what the person you approach feel about you. Will that person answer me back with the same manner? Yes, then good, we’ll get along just fine. If no, they don’t, it’s an instant feedback that I can use to decide where the baseline with that person will be and if we will get along well or not.
Obviously it’s not a great idea to try to judge someone on this first impression, but that is something we all often do. And since we do that - approach by thinking positive about people, and instead let them prove you wrong - rather then assume they are nasty boring losers before even speaking to them, - is just so much more rewarding and fun in the long run.
Another thing that I think characterise the English, is their way of showing affection. It’s totally ok to give a compliment about a strangers shoes, or jacket or whatever. This is also completely in line with what I’ve said about showing vulnerability, you never really know what the reaction will be when you basically tell them you admire something about them.
The last characteristic that I wanted to highlight is something that happens when you reach the friendship status with someone. There is nothing that proves your friend relation more than a couple of mean jokes on your behalf. That someone would crack a really mean joke about your new haircut, with a really nasty tone - thats basically confirmation that they consider you a good friend. In fact, the harsher the comments the closer the friendship.
If you’re bald, a bit overweight or have a funny looking nose, as soon as you starting hearing jokes about that, then you know that you are amongst good friends.
What I personally find really nice about the English way of communicating is that it’s really obviously really unpretentious. But as well, transparency is the real winner in the long run, that facade that people like to put on when they go out always comes down in the end, so why not just keep it down from the start?